The Bible

The Sporting News has been forever known as The Bible.  And I’ve been reading The Bible since I was about 12 years old.  My friend, Paul, and I would ride our Schwinn Sting-Rays over to Dee’s Drugstore and buy a pound of M&Ms, a big thing of Sprite and each a copy of The Bible.  We’d sit on the stoop for hours reading and talking about sports.

For the past 30 or so years, I’ve been a subscriber to the TSN (I can no longer refer to it as The Bible).  The past issue came with a big Sporting News Important Notice.  I’ll retype it here:

Dear Valued Reader:

After extensive research with "die-hard" fans like you, we’re changing the way avid fans get their sports news.  Starting with your next issue, Sporting News magazine will be much different.

Your "new" Sporting News will now feature regular A-list contributions from award-winning storytellers, athletes, coaches, scouts, executives and more.

Your "new" Sporting News will be 25% larger and printed on high quality paper.

Your "new Sporting News will now arrive every two weeks as our publishing cycle moves from 50 issues to 24 issues a year — including four double issues.  The first "new" Sporting News will have a September 1 issue date and is scheduled to arrive by August 23rd.  The second will have a September 15 issue date and will arrive by September 13th.

You will continue to receive the same number of issues remaining on your subscription.  If you have any questions…

We hope you appreciate the changes we’ve made.  We’re confident that you will continue to see a different game as you experience the "new" Sporting News.

Um…

Dear Sporting News,

I have some questions:

• What’s with the unnecessary quotes?  What grammar school newspaper editor helped you with the letter?
• You already lag behind the internet in coverage by days, now you want to push that back to weeks?   AYRTS?
• I don’t want bigger or glossier or less frequent.  Don’t you get it?
• Why did you get rid of the team by team coverage in baseball and football for this last issue?

This was the worst issue of TSN I’ve ever seen.  Sixteen total pages of football coverage, of which six were devoted to an interview with Mario Williams and three to a quarterback who held his team hostage for a trade.  Jeebus.  Why do you care so much about these guy that over half of your see a different game coverage was devoted to them? 

Cancel my subscription.  Right now.

Valued Reader